Skinny Road

Why does God allow pain in my life?

2010-11-10T08:45:00.000-08:00

There is a conflict that remains constant inside me. Part of me wants comfort, security, and an easy life. Part of me wants to be all that God desires. Some may not consider these desires to be in conflict with one another but, in my experience, they are in direct opposition. I lived a pretty comfortable and enjoyable life from 1999 until 2008. Then, in October 2008, it felt as if my world came crumbling down. The circumstances don't really matter that much. Just believe me when I say that the last two years have been the most difficult of my life.

I have spent countless hours pleading with God to restore my former existence. I want to go back to the comfort I once had. I want my circumstances to be like they used to be... before my world crashed.

I also want something different. I want to live in intimacy with my Father. I want to be all that He created me to be. I want to learn, grow, and be refined. I want to know in the depths of my heart that I am pleasing to Him. I want to live for the glory of His name and His renown.

I was reading today from the book of Jeremiah. I came across a prophecy in which Jeremiah predicted some serious pain for the nation of Moab. This is a portion of what he says about Moab in chapter 38,

"Moab has been at rest from youth, like wine left on its dregs,
not poured from one jar to another -- she has not gone into exile.
So she tastes as she did, and her aroma is unchanged.
But days are coming" declares the Lord,
"When I will send men who will pour from pitchers, they will pour her out;
They will empty her pitchers and smash her jars." (v.11-12)

"The fall of Moab is at hand; her calamity will come quickly.
Mourn for her, all who live around her, all who know her fame;
say, 'How broken is the mighty scepter, how broken is the glorious staff!'" (v.16-17)

Nice, huh? What did Moab do that was so terrible? Why would God allow such a horrible thing to happen to such a happy place?

I am not sure that I have the complete answer but God does say that Moab had become prideful and comfortable. It appears to me that the people of Moab were content with their wealth and security. The phrase I find so interesting is the one in verse 11 that says "she tastes as she did, and her aroma is unchanged." It appears to me that the nation of Moab was stagnant. The people were not improving because they did not face hardship.

I think this is true of all believers. We do not become all that God wants us to be while we are living in comfortable circumstances. It is in hardship that we are refined. The desire I stated above, to live for the glory of His name and His renown, does not usually result from comfortable circumstances.

I believe that I am currently being "poured from one jar into another". Perhaps you are, too. This is necessary if we want our "taste" and "aroma" to be improved. I don't want to be stagnant but I do want to be comfortable. I don't think I can have both of those desires.

Today, as I stumble down the Skinny Road, I know that I am becoming what my Father desires because of the pain He is allowing in my life.

What does God want from me?

2010-07-20T09:34:00.000-07:00

I have searched for the answer to this question for most of my life. The messages I absorbed at church were often rooted in some type of activity. I can't say for sure what all those preachers and Sunday School teachers intended to tell me. But what I heard went something like this:

"God wants you to be good"

"God wants you to follow his rules"

"God wants you to be a missionary or preacher"

"God wants you to help needy people"

"God wants you to spend all of your spare time at the church building"

And the rest of the list could on for a thousand pages. Again, I can't say whether that is what the church people intended to say... but that is what I heard. I spent many years trying to do all of those things. My sincere efforts usually resulted in some level of perceived failure. That was followed by guilt, shame, and some type of self-imposed penance. Sad.

It is sad because that is nowhere near the cycle of life that God wants from me. I have become convinced that he wants something different... very, very different.

I have become convinced that what God wants most from me is, well... me. He wants me to share me with him. I know it sounds funny and it is contrary to what many of us have heard in church. However, I really do think that he just wants me to be "one" with him. I get this idea from John 17. That is what Jesus prays for us. He prayed that we would be "one" just like he and the Father are one. I am pretty sure that he meant that we would be in healthy relationships with other people and with him.

Sure, that does mean that often we will do things for the benefit of the other. But the goal is not activity. The goal is "connectedness". I am not sure that is a legitimate word but I think it is what God wants from me, ... and you.

That is now what I am pursuing in my walk down the Skinny Road. What I want most in life is to be connected to God and to a few others.

Success: Could not possibly have said it better!

2009-07-28T16:30:00.000-07:00

I read a daily devotional called "My utmost for His highest" by Oswald Chambers. Today's reading could not have been more appropriate for my current life circumstances. I know that a blog is supposed to be my thoughts and not a plagarism. However, I have posted the following because I could not have possibly said it better.

July 28 - After Obedience - What?

"And straightway He constrained His disciples to get into the
ship, and go to the other side..." Mark 6:45-52

We are apt to imagine that if Jesus Christ constains us, and we obey
him, He will lead us to great success. We must never put our dreams of
success as God's purpose for us; His purpose may be exactly the opposite.
We have an idea that God is leading us to a particular end, a desired goal; He
is not. The question of getting to a particular end is a mere
incident. What we call the process, God calls the end.

What is my dream of God's purpose? His purpose is that I depend
on Him and on His power now. If I can stay in the middle of the
turmoil calm and unperplexed, that is the end of the purpose of God. God
is not working toward a particular finish; His end is the process - that I see
Him walking on the waves, no shore in sight, no success, no goal, just the
absolute certainty that it is alright because I see Him walking on the
sea. It is the process, not the end, which is glorifying to
God.

God's training is for now, not presently. His purpose is for this
minute, not for something in the future. We have nothing to do with the
afterwards of obedience; we get wrong when we think of the afterwards.
What men call training and preparation, God calls the end.

God's end is to enable me to see that He can walk on the chaos of my
life just now. If we have a further end in view, we do not pay sufficient
attention to the immediate present; if we realize that obedience is the end,
then each moment as it comes is precious.

Walk the Skinny Road. Enough said for today.

Weston on Youtube

2009-07-25T14:53:00.001-07:00

I recently spoke at Warm Springs Baptist Church in Las Vegas. The links below will take you to the Youtube videos of that message.

Clip #1 Clip #2 Clip #3 Clip #4

Or, you may watch from here:

Got Insecurities?

2009-04-27T11:44:00.000-07:00

Sure everybody has 'em.

If we are completely honest, we are all insecure about ourselves in some way.

Maybe it is our appearance. That is a big one in our aesthetics-obsessed culture. Why else would people in our culture spend billions of dollars every year on plastic surgery.

Maybe it is our socio-economic status. Why else would we mortgage ourselves to the max to buy stuff to appear more wealthy than we are.

Maybe it is our intellect. I have known people who try to impress others with intellectual conversation. Of course I don't consider myself to be that bright so I don't really know if they have a high IQ or just like others to think they do.

Maybe it is just the "cool factor". I used to think I was cool but now I just think I was fooling myself. I don't think I fooled anyone else.

Why do we do such silly things? Why do we have these insecurities?

I think it is because we are caught in a terrible game of comparison. We constantly compare ourselves to others to see how we stack up. It is blatantly obvious when we are young but it doesn't really go away when we age. It just grows more subtle. We still compare our position at work, our possessions, our kids, our spouse, our status in the community, and a million other little insignificant things. This game of comparison is really a killer.

Paul wrote about this in Philippians 2:3-4. He said "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others."

I don't think he was encouraging insecurity by suggesting that we compare ourselves to others. He is not saying that we should be looking around and telling ourselves that we do not measure up. I think he was giving us one of the secrets to contentment in life. He is actually telling us how we can be content with who we are. The trick is to stop measuring ourselves against others.

When we feel insecure, we are actually feeling that we are not as good as another person. This makes us unhappy. So, what we really want is to be superior to everyone else. We might say that we simply want to be equal. But what we really desire (in our old nature) is to be superior. We want others to look at us and admire us because we are superior. In other words, we want to be God. We want to be worshipped. This is the original sin. It is the sin of pride. Lucifer was cast out of heaven because of this desire. Adam and Eve lost paradise because of this desire. Every human since that time has had problems because of that desire. It is a killer.

James wrote about this in James 3:16. He said, "For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and every evil practice." That is profound! Envy and selfish ambition always result in disorder and sin. What does he mean by disorder? He is referring to God's order of things. God is God and I am not. Only He is superior. Only He deserves worship. And, when I seek to be superior or be worshipped, things are out of order. The end result will be calamity. This does not mean that I am without value. I have value as his creation. The only comparison that is worth making is this one: He is God and I am not.

Paul understood this. He wrote about it in 1 Corinthians 4:3. He said, "I care very little if I am judged by you... indeed, I do not even judge myself."

Paul understood that comparing self to others is a losing game. We will always come up short in some area. Then, we will so desire to measure up in that area that we will get things out of order to do so. We will surgically alter our appearance, we will spend more than God gives us, we will damage our family relationships because we work too much, we will just do stupid things trying to appear superior to others.

When we stop looking at ourselves and comparing ourselves to others, we will truely be able to see the value of others. We will see that only God is God and only He is worthy of worship. We will see that only He is truely superior.

The comparison game goes like this:

It starts with selfish ambition in my heart (Disorder in the heart). Then, I compare myself to see if I am superior (Disorder in perspective). Then, I will take action to make myself appear superior (Disorder in actions). Then, I will damage others to appear superior or get the worship I want (Disorder in relationships). Then, it will all end in destruction.

The comparision game is a killer.

If I can escape that game... if I think like Paul did and care very little how I measure up against others... if I can even stop judging myself, then I will be able to find order and contentment.

He is God and I never will be. There is no disorder in that realization.

You don't have to compare yourself to anyone other than God. You don't have to measure up. You have been redeemed and that is all that matters! So, dance a little further down the Skinny Road today!

This is a tough one.

2009-03-31T17:28:00.000-07:00

"I have learned the secret of being content." Paul said that. I wish I could say it and mean it but it is one of those steps on the Skinny Road that is much easier said than done.

Frankly, I think it is much easier to feel content when things are going well. When the bills are paid and there is a little extra in savings. When I have a good job and I know that there will be a another salary/commission check coming soon. When my family is healthy. When God isn't in the middle of the painful process of transforming my character.

Those times are nice. When all seems to be going well. However, Moses warned the people in Deut 8 that those good times pose a hidden danger. Read it for yourself. It is a good warning that would have served America well before the recession hit. He said it straight. When you go into this fruitful land you will find a time of great blessing and comfort. You will "eat until you are satisfied and build fine houses." I wonder if they took out adjustable rate mortgages to build those McMansions and used credit cards to eat steaks at Morton's. His warning was this "You may say to yourself 'My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me. But remember the Lord your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth.'"

Moses then tells the people that "if ever you forget the Lord you God... you will be destroyed." I don't think that I am guilty of forgetting God. Maybe, however, I just got a little too comfortable in the time of blessing. I thought it would last. I thought it was secure. That was my mistake.

Here are the "highlights" of my last six months:
September 2008 - Laid off from my "secure" job
November 2008 - Conducted a funeral for the three month old baby of my dear friends.
February 2009 - Told by a doctor that I should have further testing because "it could be Lymphoma"

... There is nothing that is secure in this world. Not a job. Not money. Not my health. Nothing. Nothing other than my redemption in Christ.

I don't have lymphoma but I do have a disease. I call it "selfishness". It is far more deadly. It will suck the life out of an otherwise good person. I want to be comfortable. I want security in this world. I want to have some savings. I want to live in a nice house. I want to eat a steak every now and then. I want a new SUV. I want to be saving for college, weddings, and retirement. Those things make me feel secure. They are, however, only illusions of security.

Paul said "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." How did Paul do such a miraculous thing? He tells us how. He says, "I can do everything through him who gives me strength."

In saying that, Paul was not attempting to give us an inspirational motto for the sports team at the local Christian school. Actually, I think he might be appalled if he heard us misuse his words as a rally cry to win state playoffs. I think Paul was saying something very different than how we typically interpret that passage. I think he is referring back to something Jesus said.

"Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it". Matt 10:37-39.

Jesus is calling for the death of self. He is calling for the denial and destruction of all self interests. If I can't love my daughters more than I love him then surely I can't look to a job, house, or 401K as my security. Paul is saying that this crucifixion of self is extremely tough. It is so tough that it can only be accomplished by strength that comes from beyond self. A sane self will never choose denial of self. However, when we find the strength of God within us to release all of our illusions of security, then we will find a life of peaceful contentment that is simply beyond this world.

I do not have this mastered. I have not arrived at this place on the Skinny Road. I am learning, struggling, fighting, and releasing toward this end. I want to learn the secret of being content in any and every situation. If and when I get there I will have certainly moved much further down the Skinny Road.

Engraving tool sets don't come with erasers

2009-01-15T12:21:00.000-08:00

This disciplined process of character change has an order. There are steps by which character change can actually occur. I am applying them in several areas of my life. They are by no means quick and easy. But, they are effective. They are effective because they come from the one who made us. And, if anyone knows how we can be changed, it is the one who originally designed us.

The process is found in Paul's second letter to the church at Corinth. The address is 10:3-6. Paul wrote it, and it is translated in the NIV this way:

3For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. 4The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. 5We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 6And we will be ready to punish every act of disobedience, once your obedience is complete.

V. 3 gives us the first step in the process.

It is a spiritual transformation. It is a divine power that lives within us. It is the Holy Spirit.

I first taught this process recently in a small group Bible study in which we were discussing the topic of raising children. More specifically, we were discussing how to stop the cycle of generational sin. Every family I have ever known deeply has some weakness (at least one) that is passed from parent to child. Paul refers to it as a stronghold. It is an area in which the enemy has been given repeated access and, therefore, developed a "stong hold" in that particular part of the family's character. We cannot defeat these things with popular "self-help" psychology. That is a weapon of the world. Ultimately it will fail because it does not address the sickness of the soul. The first step is redemption of the soul and the creation of a new spirit within you.

V. 5 tells us about the second step.

This is a critical step that most believers miss. Paul suggests that we "capture every thought to make it obedient to Christ".

The word character comes from a greek word that means "to etch, engrave, mark, or scratch". Here is the secret: Your mind has been engraved with a particular character from birth. This is why family weaknesses are so difficult to overcome. It is not easy to just erase something that has been engraved in your psyche. Whether it is an obvious weakness such as drug abuse or a more subtle one such as a "hot temper" or personal insecurities, these things are engraved in how you think. They are the familiar highways in your mind. They are wide roads down which your thoughts travel out of habit. This is why God established step number two in the process. We must learn to capture our thoughts before they begin to travel down the familiar wide road. We must direct them down a different path... a skinny road that is unfamiliar and difficult to travel.

The truly incredible miracle is that we can, perhaps over a lifetime, actually re-train our mind to take a different path. This is a critical step in the process of character change. We can actually change the familiar highways of our mind. But, remember, this is only possible because we have a divine power within us. One cannot skip the first step or he/whe will be destined to fail on the second step.

V. 6 gives a picture of the third step.

It is the act of self-discipline that we have already discussed at length. We think of punishment as coming from somewhere outside. However, a truly self-disciplined person learns how to apply it from within. Whenever we take the familiar wide road we must have a process by which we "punish" self. I don't recommend a whip or shock collar. I have found a better punishment to be confession to an accountability partner. I am not a masochist but it needs to be something that brings enough pain that my mind does not want to repeat the behavior and, therefore, experience the consequence. I suggest that you find something that works for you.

Just like everyone else, I have some character flaws that were engraved from a young age. I have been applying this process for many years and I am gradually finding that my mind chooses to take the Skinny Road a little more often. I look forward to the day when the Skinny Road is the most familiar path.

Thanksgiving on the Beach

2008-12-10T12:53:00.000-08:00

Can we really change our character?

2008-12-10T11:26:00.000-08:00

I have known very, very few people in my life that actually changed their character as an adult. It is an understatement to suggest that changing one's character is difficult. Yet, changing character is the key to walking the skinny road. I suppose this is why I see so few who walk that way.

If, as I suggested in my last blog, my expression of love for God is self-discipline then I must stare into the cesspool of my old nature and make some changes... and I must make those changes myself. But how? God is not going to do it for me. If I want to express love for Him then I must figure out how to do what so few have done. If I truly desire to walk the skinny road then I must change my character.

In that same little letter to the Roman church Paul says "we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." (5:4)

Trace the process backwards. If I am to have any hope for walking the Skinny Road then I am required to change character. If I am to change character then I must be determined to do so. That kind of determination really only comes from suffering. Does that mean I voluntarily place myself in miserable external conditions? Does that mean that I physically beat my body like the psycho monks of old? Does that mean that I pursue conditions that are harmful?

I don't think so.

I do think it is means that I must experience some painful discipline. The writer of Hebrews says that "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have trained by it." (12:11)

Discipline is not fun. Just ask my kids. They don't like it but often I see the need to give them a little pain for the sake of training and shaping. They suffer (at the hands of a loving father) and it shapes their character for the better.

For those of us who desire to walk the Skinny Road we cannot just wait for discipline to come from somewhere on the outside. The level of discipline that is required to make the necessary character changes must come from within. In other words, walking the Skinny Road requires self-discipline.

That is our challenge. In the midst of a culture that despises discipline, we must choose it. We must desire it. And, frankly, we cannot wait for someone to do it for us.

Why doesn't prayer work?

2008-12-09T08:11:00.000-08:00

Walking the Skinny Road requires that I deny certain desires in my natural self. I don't like doing that. I have, over the course of my 41 years, prayed many times for God to just remove those desires. I want him to take them away. It has not worked.

It would be so much easier to stay on the Skinny Road if God would just magically, or perhaps supernaturally, remove the desires and tendancies in my character that lead me off the Skinny Road. I know he could do it. He is God, after all. He has the power to do whatever he wants. I am sure He wants those stinky things out of me more than I do. If I agree and give Him permission to remove that stuff, that should make for a nice little agreement. Wouldn't we both be happier? It would certainly seem so. But still, the stinch remains.

Why won't He answer my prayers and just remove the ugliness that is my old nature?

As you might have guessed, I have spent a good deal of time thinking about this recently. I think I may have stumbled upon a possible answer to my own questions.

Self-discipline is my expression of love to Him. In a little letter to the Roman church, Paul suggested the following concept: "Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind" (12:2-3)

If my beautiful wife asked me to take out the trash (multiple times) and I finally do it with an attitude, she does not feel loved. However, if I take out the trash, do the dishes, and make the bed without even being asked, she will be one happy girl. She will be loved because I made the effort to do something pleasing to her.

In the same way, if God answers my prayer and just takes away the things in my character that lead me off the Skinny Road, then He has deprived me of the opportunity to love Him. However, if I discipline my own character, then I have said to Him "I love you". I have "worshipped" by offering my body (and mind) as a living sacrifice.

So... I think I will stop praying for God to easily remove my ugliness. I think I will take out the trash myself today.

Welcome to the Skinny Road

2008-11-02T20:22:00.000-08:00

"Narrow is the road that leads to life, and only a few find it" Matthew 7:14

This skinny road is not just the path that leads to redemption in Christ. It is the path that we travel after redemption. Obviously it is not the easy route. The purpose of this blog is to document my journey on this road and, hopefully, encourage you as you travel the skinny road.

The choice we make to receive redemption is not easy for some but it is much easier than the choice we are called to make as a follower of Christ... that is the choice to walk the skinny road.

The choice to walk the skinny road requires painful change in our character. It requires that we constantly do the difficult things when our culture encourages us to do the easy things. Our culture models self-indulgence. The skinny road requires self-discipline.

It is this notion of self-discipline that fascinates me but, at the same time, I despise it. I desperately want to be self-disciplined but I cannot ever seem to make great stides in that area. I take three steps forward and two steps back.

I will be writing about this journey over the next few weeks. Come with me down the skinny road.